What is a bully?
A bully is an individual who meets his/her “need” for self-worth, respect, empowerment, and validation, tragically, by repeatedly disempowering others over time.
What does a bully do?
The bully may use verbal, physical, racial, sexual, financial, and/or cyber tactics to get what he wants without the other person’s consent.
As one can discern, bullying is often presented in a variety of ways. How do you know if you are getting bullied?
There is blatant bullying which is up front and personal for all to see. For example, “Give me your lunch money or else!” Or, “If you don’t do this little favor for me you future here might be limited.”
One of my most popular edicts is to say, “Age is not a direct correlation of maturity. Just because someone is a specific age does not mean they display maturity.” Other ways to bully or “adult bullying” are what I call, “micro bullying.”
More “Hidden” Ways of Bullying
Narcissistic: This is where the person disempowers others by making disingenuous comments. These are subtle and hurtful but not enough for the victim to notice at that moment. The slight go undetected, such as, “You got the 2-door, why didn’t you get the 4-door like I mentioned?” Or, “I heard you didn’t get the promotion, maybe you should put in more effort or training.” This form of bullying is used to put others down in order to build up one’s own self-worth.
Impulsive: The individual acts out his “bully” behavior without planning. This life-diminishing behavior may not have anything to do with the victim but is triggered by an old wound of the bully that surfaced in a present situation where the individual happens to be in the line of fire of the bully.
Secondary: This is where a person joins in on the bullying by the initial bully so as to protect himself from future bullying and willing to ignore the suffering the victim is enduring.
How Can You Help?
When you see someone being bullied, be brave and STAND UP for them. Bullies have been known to back off when others stand up for victims.
If you do not believe you are safe get the help of an adult immediately. Be part of the solution — not the problem!
It’s a time to see everyone’s differences and celebrate their similarities: Whether students are LGBT, African American, Asian, Muslim, AAPI, of Tribal descent, or disabled …make friends.
Are You Being Affected by Bullying?
Have you been bullied before? Are you currently being bullied? Are you concerned that you may be the bully? Reach out and let’s have a conversation about how I can help.
As a deputy probation officer in one of the largest probation departments in the United States, I have helped thousands of people through some very rough times in their lives. I judge no one and am here to help you move forward.